Feb 10
Wow, I feel bloated and gross.
Every day I wake up thinking to myself, ‘this will be the day I get back on track’ and then that motivation fades and I end up eating horribly.
I just don’t know how to get my inspiration back.
Oh and I got out of breath today from taking walk. Yes, that’s all I did – take a simple stroll.
I need something to kick my butt back into gear.
I’m going to do some brainstorming and then I’ll report back with my ideas…
I haven’t been around this blog in months. Yeah, I’ve posted a video here, a recipe there, but I stopped really pouring my heart out several months ago.
Why? I don’t really know. I guess I probably gave up on myself…again.
I’ve come up with a bunch of excuses like – my wedding was coming up and I was too stressed out to blog, or that my wedding was over and I was de-stressing by stuffing my face with cheese puffs and pizza. You know, perfectly legitimate excuses.
Well I’ve had enough of my self-loathing.
I must admit to you that in the past few months, especially after my wedding, I’ve just completely let myself and my restraint go. I have absolutely no idea how much weight I’ve gained (I really, really, really don’t want to know but very soon I’m going to have to find out.)
I’ve literally been eating everything in sight. About three days out of every week I typically eat at least two meals at fast food ‘restaurants.’ And I just can’t tell you what is going on.
I know that I need to get back on track in a major way, but I’m lacking the motivation to change. But I’m thinking that I can’t take to many more days of feeling like a whale, I just feel gross.
So, my plan is to just blog about my experiences whether good or bad.
In the past I only wanted to blog when I was being ‘good.’ I guess I was trying to impress you? I don’t know what I was thinking but that’s just stupid.
I mean, so many people could benefit from my ups and downs so I need to write it all.
And I don’t want to come across like I’m putting myself on this pedestal and that I have all the answers and everyone should listen to me.
Quite the contrary.
I don’t have any answers really. I struggle with my weight year after year. And its in this struggle that I’m hoping to connect with others. If I can get through the good and bad times by writing out what my experiences are, than hopefully any insight that I may gain can go back out to you.
And this goes both ways too.
As a blog, this website can gladly welcome comments on every post and we can create this huge support network of wonderful ideas. And we can also just be there for each other.
We all know how incredibly difficult it is to lose weight. Especially when that amount gets above 50 or 100 pounds.
When you are in that boat, most days its hard to just find someone that understands.
Well I understand, and I’m here.
So from now on, I’ll just keep on bloggin…
I’m so very excited. I have this awesome pair of dress pants that I wore on my first date with my now fiance. I always adored these pants and after gaining weight they were too tight, like way too tight. And I haven’t been able to wear them since that first date six years ago.
It was always one of my mini-goals to fit back into those pants and therefore again be the size I was when my fiance and I first met. I didn’t think I’d be able to wear them for another couple months.
Well, I tried them on last night and they fit!
I think its so important for you to have these mini-goals (other than just numbers on the scale) because they are what can really drive you to success. And it feels that much better when you accomplish them.
So what are some of your mini-goals?
Jun 12
Ok, I have to make this super quick but I’m so excited – I lost 5 pounds this week! So now the total is 45 pounds lost, woohoo!!
What feels even better is that I’ve been in such a terrible funk lately and I was really starting to doubt myself and if I could push through. (You’ll definitely know what I mean if you read my last post.) Well, I did push through and it feels glorious.
I spent the last week in the beautiful forest of Northern Arizona and I did a lot of soul searching as well as some kick-my-butt hikes. Its amazing how being in nature can really clear your head.
I also had a huge cry-my-eyes-out fest that I’ll have to write more about over the next couple days and I really gained a ton a clarity from feeling sorry for myself and then realizing that I really shouldn’t feel sorry for myself anymore.
So now I feel refreshed and ready to tackle the world. I feel back on track with my eating and walking plans and I feel confident that I can just continue to push right through to my goals.
Every day is a struggle not to overeat, not to binge. I feel like an alcoholic.
My thoughts feel consumed by a monster that I can’t control. Food is my enemy but my lover at the same time. It gives me comfort through all of life’s hard times, but because of that comfort its so easy to overindulge.
I long for that comfort every day. I go through life waging war – sometimes winning battles, sometimes losing.
It all seems so silly sometimes, to be consumed by an object. I mean it is just food right? But yet it also feels like so much more.
Lately my struggle has been so incredibly difficult. I’ve lost 40 pounds which I am so proud of and so grateful for. But I still need to lose 90 more. I haven’t lost weight in a few months and I’m falling back into my old habits. I don’t know what to do and it scares me.
I’m at such a critical point. I can not allow myself to slip into my old ways and undo all the progress I’ve accomplished. But how?
I feel so…
frustrated, confused, hopeless, depressed, disappointed, uninspired, angry
I need your help. Do you have any advice for me?
There’s a fierce battle playing out in my life right now. Its me against the scale.
Since starting my ‘diet’ several months ago I now find myself battling with 5 pounds. Its been up and down for weeks and I don’t seem to be making any progress.
Well, I may not be making weight loss progress, but I am making progress in at least holding on to my motivation for dear life.
I’ve reached a make or break point – a dreaded plateau – which will either end with failure or success.
In the past I’ve let these plateaus break my spirit. They ruined my motivation and I would give in, drop my diet, and tell myself yet again “you just can’t lose weight so why even try?”
But this time is totally different.
This time I will not let this plateau ruin my spirit. I’ve been so successful so far that there’s no reason why I can’t keep on losing weight and reach my goals.
Its all in my mind.
I can blame a million different things for my current situation, but really isn’t it all about my mindset?
My thoughts lead to my actions which either lead to weight loss or gain.
So what is really wrong with me? Why am I struggling?
These 2 questions are the most important questions to ask during hard times. Yes you can obsess over the little things like what you ate, what type of exercise you’ve been doing, etc.
But the fundamental issue that wins weight loss plateau battles is the concept of mindset. So I’m going to evaluate these questions for myself.
What is really wrong?
I’m absolutely overwhelmed.
I have so much weight to lose that even the 37 pounds I’ve lost so far seems insignificant.
Its like the old cliche…how do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time. That’s great but when you keep seeing that big elephant you’re thinking “holy crap, I’ll never get this done, why even bother?”
Cliches aside, this I believe makes or breaks a lot of peoples’ success.
I think its absolutely critical at this point to bust out the big picture. Reaccess your major reasons for wanting to lose weight.
I re-read my post 65 reasons why I want to lose weight.
Essentially I’m trying to reset my mindset and get excited again about all the things that I will experience when I reach my goals.
But its also about the little things too…
I’m going to reset all my habits and make sure I’m doing everything I should.
I’m asking myself…
Am I eating the right amount of calories?
Are my portions too big?
Am I eating enough fruit and veggies?
Am I writing down everything I eat?
Am I exercising as much as I should?
Am I taking enough time to relax?
Am I connecting with people who support me?
Am I trying new recipes and foods?
But the biggest questions…
Am I realizing that I’m worth it?
Yes, thats right. Isn’t that what this is all about?
I must tell myself everyday that my life, my health, my happiness is worth this battle.
Every tear, every struggle is worth it because it makes my resolve stronger.
I will push through this plateau and continue to my weight loss goals because I can succeed. I have the power to win this battle, this war I’ve waged for years.
My motivation is unstoppable when I know in my soul that I am worth the fight.
I deserve success and I am willing to do whatever it takes to achieve it.
This is war and I’m ready to bust out the tanks.
Update: The day after I wrote this post I had my weekly weigh-in. I lost 3 pounds! Take that plateau!
Grrrrr…..darn it! I gained 2 pounds this week. I’m trying to calm down and get over it, but its so hard!
The absolute most important thing for me to do now is to snap out of it. It would be so easy for me to feel sorry for myself and go get a gallon of ice cream and say ‘why me?’ However, that was the old Gina, I do things differently now.
I am not going to let a gain this week tear me down. It happens, its life and I must move on. Its a new day and a new week and I have the chance to start fresh with a clean slate.
So I’m going to evaluate some of the things I did last week that probably contributed to my weight gain.
1. I wrote everything that I ate down, but on most days I didn’t actually tally up how many calories I was eating. I used the excuse that I was too busy to push it off till the next day. Well the next day came and I was ‘too busy’ that day too.
So if I would have just taken an extra 5 minutes per day and tallied up all my calories I would have known that overall I did in fact eat too much during the week.
Lesson definitely learned.
2. I ate out…a lot! Now normally I do eat out at restaurants a lot during the course of a week. But usually I eat pretty healthy options. Not so this week. I did go a little overboard and since I wasn’t being diligent enough about tracking calories, that just made it worse.
3. I didn’t exercise at all. Usually I get in a few miles worth of walking per week. But this week I let myself be extra lazy. That’s a no no!
So today I went on a wonderful 2 mile walk with my fiance to get my butt back on track. It was so much fun and now I’m back in the groove and ready for my next walk.
This week I’m forcing myself to be much more strict and I am deliberately snapping myself out of my funk.
I will track everything I eat, count every calorie, walk, and eat healthy choices when I go to restaurants.
In the past when I’ve gained weight I chose to feel sorry for myself and give in.
This time I choose to succeed.
Feb 14
Perhaps you’ll find this odd, but I’m so excited because my pants literally fell off!
My favorite pair of jeans that were too tight to wear a year ago, are now so big on me that I have to wear a belt for them to stay on. Now that’s just too fantastic.
I even noticed yesterday that my shoes are kinda big. I wonder if I lost some of the fat on my feet? Hmm, I don’t know!
It really is the little things that get me so excited. I think all of us have to celebrate those little tiny successes, as well as the big ones, to keep us motivated and moving forward.
What’s one of your small successes?
Feb 13
So I’m starting to feel pretty good about myself now. So far I’ve lost 36 pounds and I can feel my confidence building back up again.
My clothes are starting to fit me like they are supposed to and I’m starting to go down another size. I think this is my momentum phase.
As I’m sure you can understand, most of the time it’s really hard to get started with a diet. No maybe its not I suppose if you’ve never dieted before, but that’s not what I’m talking about. I’ve started diets dozens of times in my lifetime and at the start of every one I was always like ‘awww crap.’
So even though I tried my best to have a totally different attitude this time, it was still so darn hard to get started and build momentum. But now I think I have that momentum.
I can actually visualize what it will be like when I reach my goals instead of thinking, ‘oh it would be nice if this time I could do it.’ No, I actually know that I will accomplish my weight loss goal this time – and I will keep it off forever.
I’m actually enjoying eating healthy foods, I look forward to going on walks, and I haven’t binged in weeks. I honestly can’t remember when the last time I binged was, and for me, someone who’d binge a few times a day, that is a fantastic accomplishment.
I’m getting exciting thinking about trying on wedding dresses in a few months, instead of feeling depressed about it.
Overall I’m feeling great and I haven’t felt great in years.
Jan 25
I’m proud to report that I’ve finally lost 30 pounds.
This one has been a really hard one to obtain. I’ve teetered so close to it, up and down, up and down, for about a month now, so it feels extra special to have hit this goal today.
30 pounds has always been that milestone that was a very symbolic goal for me to pass.
In the past, I was usually able to lose 15 pounds or 20 pounds, but after that I’d lose my resolve, gain it all back, and have to start from scratch.
But not this time! Now that I’ve lost 30 pounds my motivation is stronger than ever and I feel so confident that I can push on and get to 40, 50, 60…and more.
At this point I have my two main goals…
1. To lose 50 more pounds by my wedding
2. To lose 100 more pounds as my final goal
But since both of these goals are enormous and intimidating, I break them up into small parts.
First off all I’m not even thinking about my final goal – that’s just too daunting right now.
I am intently focused however on my wedding weight goal. I’m pretty obsessed with it actually and that obsession helps make 50 more pounds seem not as bad as it could be.
But then to make it even easier on myself, I break it up into 10 pound increments.
So really my next goal is not to lose another 100 pounds, or even 50, its just 10 more pounds.
And I know I’ll be an even happier camper when I’ve lost 40 pounds.
Cheers to that!
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