These past few weeks have been strange for me.
On one hand I’ve accomplished so much by losing 40 pounds, but on the other hand I feel like I haven’t accomplished anything at all.
What do I mean?
Well I honestly don’t know how I’ve managed to lose so much. I still battle every day with severe urges to binge and compulsively eat everything in site.
I feel like my core issues are still there, I’ve just buried them for a bit instead of fully dealing with them.
So I feel like I’ve gone through the motions of a weight loss program – eating healthy, counting calories, exercising – but I haven’t made that crucial shift yet.
That crucial shift to me is that ‘ah-ha’ moment of ‘Yes, I can seriously do this for the rest of my life.’
I’ve certainly felt that from time to time, but it hasn’t stuck. So I still worry that every day I’ll lose control and slip back into my old ways.
But perhaps I’m just being too hard on myself? I know that everyone who struggles with weight loss goes through these same issues as well.
It may be just part of the process.
Or perhaps I’m just scared?
Scared of being a different person or scared of my emotions?
I do know though that I can not give in to these doubts and fears as I’ve done in the past. My whole life I’ve let them control me, and I certainly deserve better than that.
So where do I go from here?
I keep doing what I’m doing but I step it up several notches. I’m going to keep focusing on my original weight loss plan and be more strict with myself.
My attitude and resolve must be air-tight to continue my journey to lasting weight loss and health.
