Archive for category Negative Emotions

Establishing Your Self-Worth

Do you let others or society be the ones who determine your self-worth?

Think about this question deeply for a few moments.  If you happen to be a person who feels that you have low self-esteem, or tends to feel inferior, unworthy, incapable, or just generally down on yourself, then ask yourself why?

And yes, why is it that some people must feel this way?  Why does there seem to be something that could be likened to a caste system with regards to the way people feel “classified?”  There’s so many judgments and stereotypes that permeate our culture.  Many of these can be described by adjectives like pretty, ugly, fat, skinny, smart, stupid, rich, poor, mean, nice, black, white, young, old, fast, slow, and on, and on, and on.

And if you are one who associates with the feelings above, maybe it’s time to recognize really what sort of nonsense these stereotypes and labels really are.  Maybe it’s time to work on a way to give these connotations absolutely no meaning or relevance in your own mind.

First of all, you are not defined by what someone else thinks or what society says.  Majority does not rule your perceptions – you rule your perceptions, and they can become even more clear and unadulterated once you strive to extract the years of conditioning and influence that may have shaped some aspect of your persona.

Let’s look at it this way.  Were you ever told that you weren’t good enough to fit into a certain club, class, team, job, or something of that sort?  All of us have at some point.  How did you take it at the time?  Did you feel that maybe they were right?  Did you tell yourself that maybe you really aren’t that good, because otherwise, you would have been accepted into whatever it was that you tried to become a part of?

That right there is an example of how another’s opinion or bias could have been affecting your perception of yourself.  Perhaps this happened repeatedly over time, which just seemed to reinforce the notion.  So over time, you began to associate yourself as being unworthy or undesirable, just because others may have made you feel that way.

Could it be that you have been letting others determine your self-worth?

In our society, there is a large focus on externalities.  There’s a sense of endless striving and competition with regards to external status or achievement.  The newest gadget comes out, and you’re almost made to think that you just won’t be “cool” unless you get it.  The latest fashion comes out, and you feel like you can’t even be caught dead in the new top you bought only six months ago.  You may drive an old car that is reliable and was paid off long ago, but you feel inclined to buy a new one just to keep up with “the times.”

With regards to appearance, you see the skinny models on the runway, and you may feel inferior to them because you don’t weigh 95 pounds.  After all, they’re the ones on the runway, so you may think that they must be the epitome of perfect beauty, right?

That’s what “they” may want you to think.  But who are they to try to dictate who you are and how you feel?  They are not the authority on what makes a person beautiful.

You create your own reality, so if you work toward extracting all of these old, ingrained thought patterns from it, you can start to break free from this kind of subconscious oppression.

That’s why we feel it’s so important to keep an open mind about everything.  Many times we were taught to not ask questions and to do as we were told.  But why can’t we ask questions?  After all, that’s how we can establish our points of view and the things that seem to make sense to us.

And that’s one way how you can start to enhance your self-worth and confidence – by questioning and scrutinizing those negative feelings about yourself that you may have been bound to.

You say you feel unworthy?  Unworthy of what?  Why do you feel that way?  What have you done to cause you to give yourself this label?  Is it because of others’ opinions?  Who are “they?”  What sort of authority are they?  Do they hold a status in society higher than you that gives them the capability to infallibly declare that you are unworthy?  Where did these feelings originally come from?  How long have they been there?  What may have reinforced them?

There may be nearly endless questions that can help you analyze what may really be behind these feelings.

There may be many that you don’t even have an answer to – and that’s okay, because that could be just another reason pointing toward how it is unnecessary and how there is no reason for you to feel bound to these thoughts.

Okay, this has gotten a bit deep, and you may be a bit wary to chart these waters any further at this point.  And that is okay.  The intention of this was to spark some thought and to help you start to question, recognize, and really think about some of the negative ideas about yourself that you may have associated with yourself for so long, with the end result of realizing that they are just totally inaccurate and can eventually be disposed of.

Part of the evolution of life involves learning more about yourself.  Don’t be afraid to really look deep within, even if it seems a bit frightening at first.  The great thing is that you will see just how wonderful, intelligent, talented, compassionate, and beautiful you really are.  You just need your own clear eyes, and not the distortions created by others.  You will love what you see, and will realize that you are worth more than you could ever imagine.

Tags: , , ,

Strength and Focus

On the topic of strength…

One way that you can use your inner strength is by creating and maintaining a focus on the benefits of utilizing and maintaining the plan you can develop for yourself to achieve an overall healthy, balanced lifestyle.

One thing that I mean by this is being able to pay close attention to your thoughts and actions regarding food, and watching out for the tricks that your mind can play on itself.  Essentially, it means being in control of these thoughts, instead of letting them control you, and your decision-making about eating in general.

Here’s an example.  Say that you absolutely love eating chocolate.  It is one of the foods that you totally crave all the time, and end up binging on.  This is one of those foods that is dangerous for you, and one that you may have determined you must avoid in order to reach your equilibrium.

The reasoning?  You may feel powerless around it, that it brings you emotional comfort, and is something that you feel tempted to overly indulge in when given the chance.  At times when eating it, you feel like you just can’t get enough, and have trouble stopping the consumption of it.

And then the wave of guilt and remorse comes.  After gorging on it, you feel horrible, and then the emotional spiral comes where you beat yourself up all over again and end up right back where you started.

But it’s almost like it has this strange power over you, because even with all that guilt and shame, once the wave of it washes away, you may end right back up in the “danger point” – the thought that comes to mind where you think about eating some, because it is oh so good, tasty, and emotionally soothing.

That danger point is where the problem, and the solution resides.

When that thought of the ever-alluring chocolate comes into mind, it’s almost like your brain is presenting you with an illusion.  The pleasure and the reward center of your brain may be generating the desire for a temporary sense of euphoria.  This can seem so alluring, and it can seem to be something that can soothe the bad mood you have been in, or the emotional void that can make you feel empty, unworthy, and lowly.  So it keeps saying “come on, this will make you feel better,” and it can flood your conscious thought with the warm and fuzzy sensation that the first bite of chocolate can produce.

It is that temporal sensation that can seem so wonderful, even if just for a split second, that it can create the illusion that it will solve your problems, and relieve the psychological state that you are in.

So this is where, with good practice and determination, your strength can be called upon to help smash that illusion, and look past the sense of instant gratification that gets you in trouble.

This strength can help you to see clearly and realistically, overcoming the power and the gratuitous recall of the warm sensations produced by the chocolate, which delude your rational self.

So how can it work?  Well, it is actually quite simple.  When the craving for chocolate comes to mind, and the flood of associated thoughts that try to convince you that the pleasure of the chocolate binge will be greater than what comes afterward, the strength that you can consciously draw on will eventually become so ingrained that it can become the new habitual thought, and the positive outcome of resisting the binge can become more satisfying than the chocolate, and the craving for it may eventually wane away and diminish.

But “diminish” is different than “disappear,” because the cravings and positive associations of chocolate may never disappear, so that’s why it’s so important to never lose sight of what the strength provides.

So a simple method to draw upon it can work like this:

The next time you have a chocolate craving (or craving for whatever is your “danger” food), look at that craving with clarity.  Look at it as a deceptive tool that your mind is throwing at you to fall for the illusion that the gratification and “satisfaction” of the chocolate is going to outweigh the self-torture that comes afterwards.  Look at it clearly and through past experience.  Turn those illusory thoughts upside-down and look at the flipside instead.

The strength inside you can keep the focus on that realistic flip-side – the fact that indulging in a binge of chocolate may feel great for the first ten minutes, but the next ten hours that follows of berating and shaming yourself is pure hell, and is certainly no way to soothe the emotional hurt that your brain may be trying to convince you that the allure of chocolate will assuage.

Take that to heart the first time, and then see how you feel when the craving passes – and it will pass.  It’s almost guaranteed that you will feel empowered and proud of yourself.  By doing this, you can regain the hours that you would have lost to self-torment and loathing that could have resulted if you would have binged on the chocolate.

Doesn’t the repossession of your sanity and well-being sound better than a chocolate bar?

When that positive association is reinforced through practice of this, you will likely feel much more empowered when the cravings strike, and over time, the weaker the cravings can become, allowing you to open up more room to help you shift toward the equilibrium that can bring about a healthier life, and the associated weight loss.

You have the strength to focus clearly upon those danger points, and the strength to change their outcomes.  All it takes is one try, and you can build upon that success!

Tags: , , ,

Food and Positive Associations

When it comes to food advertisements, the food companies (especially those who tend to dish out the lesser healthy choices in the realm) do a great job at portraying their products alongside depictions that conjure up positive thoughts, emotions, and memories.

Now of course, they are in the business to sell food, and of course they are going to make their fare seem appealing, tasty, and memorable.  I mean, it’s only good for the bottom line and makes logical sense.

The thing I would like to examine though is the psychology behind this and how we think about food.
I feel that we all tend to associate certain emotions with certain things, and what we eat is definitely one area where this may ring true.

For example, try to recall a favorite baked good or treat that maybe your parents used to make on special occasions.  In this instance, let’s use an example of holiday cookies.  Now you may possibly be thinking of the aroma that would fill the house.  The sweet smell of the gooey, rich, decadent chocolate makes you think just how tasty those were going to be as soon as they cooled down right out of the oven.  A remembrance would wash over you of the good times to be had over the holidays with family get-togethers.  It was just another reason why you loved the holidays.  It was something to look forward to.

Now, don’t you feel like having a good old-fashioned batch of chocolate chip cookies?

Maybe that’s why you may see a similar portrayal on some commercials advertising products of this sort – it helps reinforce these positive associations.

So how can this affect us?  With some of us, it can potentially help trigger a strong subconscious desire to use certain foods as a vehicle to help us feel warm and fuzzy inside.  This isn’t all bad, but if left unchecked, it can be one component that can guide us toward becoming obsessed, or even addicted to food.  (Food obsession and addiction will be widely covered and discussed throughout this blog.  Check back in the near future for an introduction to our views on this subject.)

Okay, this can be complicated and a little-understood subject, and some of you may be thinking that you have never heard of this idea before.  We feel that it is of incredible importance to the subject of overeating though, and extremely important to understand to help overcome its grasp and to work toward a life of healthy equilibrium.

Let me start by saying that nearly everyone probably associates something positive with their favorite foods.  It only makes sense, and is the way that we are wired.

The important key to remember though is that there is a difference between embracing the enjoyment that comes along with indulging in a favorite food in moderation and the endless pursuit to recapture the essence and joy that may have been “bottled up” into the experience of your favorite foods by your mind’s positive associations.  In short, in the first example in the previous sentence, the food in general is not being used to fulfill an emotional need.  On the other hand, in the latter part, the positive associations attached to certain kinds of food are being used to recapture a positive experience that may have made a person feel really good.

The entire scope of the theory about food and how it can turn into an addiction for some people is beyond the focus of this specific post, but will be delved into in detail in future entries.  But let’s look at how it can relate to positive associations.

It can begin to answer the question that some of us may be asking, and that question is: “Why do some people never have a problem with overeating, and the associated weight gain, and some do?”  Part of the answer may lie in the difference between the two scenarios described above.  People who don’t have trouble around food may not be using it to fulfill an emotional need (or as a way to cope with negative feelings).

Conversely, people who do have trouble with overeating may indulge in certain gratifying foods because they may reinforce, most of the time without them even realizing it, warm memories that at one point seemed to soothe the soul, and many of its specific troubles.  Within this threshold is where we suppose that it can become habit-forming, and potentially turn into an obsession or addiction.

A good example to use for reference is that of alcohol.  There are many people for whom alcohol never presents a problem throughout their entire lives.  They may have gotten drunk on a couple occasions by accident or experimentation, and it didn’t really do anything that they perceived as positive for them.  In fact, the hangover the next day may have been enough to thwart them from ever doing it again.  Instead, they view alcohol as something they never really drink, or if they do, it is only in moderation to enjoy at social events or for the taste.  The alcohol itself does not fulfill an emotional need for them, and any positive associations with its effects may be perceived differently and may not have much importance to them like it might for a person with whom it does become a problem.

Now of course there is a physical addiction that can develop with excessive consumption of alcohol or other substances.  But as with any addiction, there is a large psychological aspect as well which contributes to and influences a person to develop a problem with it.  That’s what we will be focusing on.

With people who eventually develop an addiction to, or eventually have a problem with drinking alcohol, the substance may serve as a vehicle for them to try to recapture positive associations that resulted from early experiences with it.  Even though they may have gotten sloppy drunk on their first few bouts with alcohol, and got sick from the associated hangovers, there may have been just “something about” the way it made them feel.  The initial euphoria, the loss of inhibitions, the “cover up” of negative emotions – in general, it could have made them feel “really good.”  It may have helped them to not think in the negative patterns that were ailing them, even if they didn’t understand that they were indeed experiencing them.  It seemed to help get rid of these feelings, even if just for a temporary period of time.  This created an experience that was interpreted as positive, so much so that it outweighed the feeling of being physically ill the next morning!

Trying to recapture those moments could have been very alluring for them, so they went out and tried it again.  It seemed to work!  So the habit developed, and the positive reinforcement got stronger and stronger.

So fast forward to later in the progression of this addiction…  The people who are experiencing the problem with alcohol, and the detriment that can be typically associated with it, still keep chomping at the bit, and continue to drink to recapture those positive associations, even if they may now be an illusion for them.  They keep going at it, but when they wake up every morning after another binge, they feel like a mental wreck, but then the only answer seems to be the ever-alluring pull toward that “solution” – the alcohol.  The illusion, and the drive to recapture the long-faded sense of positivity that their minds keep associating with getting drunk, keeps compelling them to drink, even if the alcohol is causing serious problems for their minds, bodies, and souls.

In this case, the alcohol can be serving to fulfill an emotional need, whether that be depression, low self-esteem, negative emotions, or a wide array of psychological issues.  With many people, just abstaining from alcohol doesn’t fully fix the problem.  Instead, it can be accompanied by getting to the root of these negative emotions, which can help make the transformation in mind and spirit that helps keep them sober.  For each person, the path may be a bit different, but when the internal emotional needs are addressed, understood, and guided toward a healthier equilibrium, then the person may be less apt to revert back into problematic habits.

We feel that such can be the same for those of us whom food obsession, food addiction, and overeating is presenting a problem.

The most important thing to remember though is that, if you feel and recognize this, you are not inferior or have a mental defect.  Take all the societal labels and throw them out the window!  Just as many alcoholics, recovered or not, are incredibly intelligent, compassionate, creative, talented, loving, and worthy individuals, the same goes for those of us who may have issues with overeating!  Just because you may have negative emotions, or any of the things that come along with overeating, doesn’t mean that people who do not are better than you or that you are diseased, weak, powerless, or a plethora of other societal labels!  Take these labels and put them in the garbage where they belong!

And what can be really liberating is to understand what it is that may be presenting an issue for you, because you can then conquer it and find effective ways to manage the emotions and habits.  But there is no “quick fix” that is going to make them go away forever.  Heck, that’s what we may have been trying to do and why we overate in the first place!  We may have been trying to use food as a means to cope.
But life is much more than just “coping!”  When we work through all of these things, we can find ways to manage them to a point where they don’t cause issues for us anymore, and we can enjoy a life of freedom instead!

Tags: , , , ,

Powered by Yahoo! Answers