Do you let others or society be the ones who determine your self-worth?

Think about this question deeply for a few moments.  If you happen to be a person who feels that you have low self-esteem, or tends to feel inferior, unworthy, incapable, or just generally down on yourself, then ask yourself why?

And yes, why is it that some people must feel this way?  Why does there seem to be something that could be likened to a caste system with regards to the way people feel “classified?”  There’s so many judgments and stereotypes that permeate our culture.  Many of these can be described by adjectives like pretty, ugly, fat, skinny, smart, stupid, rich, poor, mean, nice, black, white, young, old, fast, slow, and on, and on, and on.

And if you are one who associates with the feelings above, maybe it’s time to recognize really what sort of nonsense these stereotypes and labels really are.  Maybe it’s time to work on a way to give these connotations absolutely no meaning or relevance in your own mind.

First of all, you are not defined by what someone else thinks or what society says.  Majority does not rule your perceptions – you rule your perceptions, and they can become even more clear and unadulterated once you strive to extract the years of conditioning and influence that may have shaped some aspect of your persona.

Let’s look at it this way.  Were you ever told that you weren’t good enough to fit into a certain club, class, team, job, or something of that sort?  All of us have at some point.  How did you take it at the time?  Did you feel that maybe they were right?  Did you tell yourself that maybe you really aren’t that good, because otherwise, you would have been accepted into whatever it was that you tried to become a part of?

That right there is an example of how another’s opinion or bias could have been affecting your perception of yourself.  Perhaps this happened repeatedly over time, which just seemed to reinforce the notion.  So over time, you began to associate yourself as being unworthy or undesirable, just because others may have made you feel that way.

Could it be that you have been letting others determine your self-worth?

In our society, there is a large focus on externalities.  There’s a sense of endless striving and competition with regards to external status or achievement.  The newest gadget comes out, and you’re almost made to think that you just won’t be “cool” unless you get it.  The latest fashion comes out, and you feel like you can’t even be caught dead in the new top you bought only six months ago.  You may drive an old car that is reliable and was paid off long ago, but you feel inclined to buy a new one just to keep up with “the times.”

With regards to appearance, you see the skinny models on the runway, and you may feel inferior to them because you don’t weigh 95 pounds.  After all, they’re the ones on the runway, so you may think that they must be the epitome of perfect beauty, right?

That’s what “they” may want you to think.  But who are they to try to dictate who you are and how you feel?  They are not the authority on what makes a person beautiful.

You create your own reality, so if you work toward extracting all of these old, ingrained thought patterns from it, you can start to break free from this kind of subconscious oppression.

That’s why we feel it’s so important to keep an open mind about everything.  Many times we were taught to not ask questions and to do as we were told.  But why can’t we ask questions?  After all, that’s how we can establish our points of view and the things that seem to make sense to us.

And that’s one way how you can start to enhance your self-worth and confidence – by questioning and scrutinizing those negative feelings about yourself that you may have been bound to.

You say you feel unworthy?  Unworthy of what?  Why do you feel that way?  What have you done to cause you to give yourself this label?  Is it because of others’ opinions?  Who are “they?”  What sort of authority are they?  Do they hold a status in society higher than you that gives them the capability to infallibly declare that you are unworthy?  Where did these feelings originally come from?  How long have they been there?  What may have reinforced them?

There may be nearly endless questions that can help you analyze what may really be behind these feelings.

There may be many that you don’t even have an answer to – and that’s okay, because that could be just another reason pointing toward how it is unnecessary and how there is no reason for you to feel bound to these thoughts.

Okay, this has gotten a bit deep, and you may be a bit wary to chart these waters any further at this point.  And that is okay.  The intention of this was to spark some thought and to help you start to question, recognize, and really think about some of the negative ideas about yourself that you may have associated with yourself for so long, with the end result of realizing that they are just totally inaccurate and can eventually be disposed of.

Part of the evolution of life involves learning more about yourself.  Don’t be afraid to really look deep within, even if it seems a bit frightening at first.  The great thing is that you will see just how wonderful, intelligent, talented, compassionate, and beautiful you really are.  You just need your own clear eyes, and not the distortions created by others.  You will love what you see, and will realize that you are worth more than you could ever imagine.

Tags: building self-esteem, negative self-esteem, positive self-esteem, self-worth