1. At every meal, eat so much that you have to unzip your pants, even if you’re in a restaurant.

2. Buy candy bars in bulk.

3. Put on your jogging suit, pull your hair up in a ponytail, and go sit on the couch.

4. Fruit only belongs in a bowl on your counter, perferably in wax form.

5. Water should never be used to drink, its really only good for your toilet.

6. If your fast food burger doesn’t have at least 2 patties, 2 slices of cheese and 4 strips of bacon, then you’re a total wimp.

7. Don’t stop counting calories until you’ve reached 5,000.

Ok, ok…joke’s over!  Hopefully now you don’t think I’m totally crazy. I was just having a little fun.

Were you actually looking for real weight loss tips? Cool, then check out the rest of my blog.